Feeling overwhelmed, paralyzed, and can't get anything done? We all go through periods where life feels like a struggle and even the simplest tasks seem so hard. But there are ways to cope and make things easier.
This walking podcast episode is full of practical tips to help you survive and thrive when you're unmotivated, including:
Additional Resources:
NO MUSIC VERSION:
This episode has NO background walking music. If you want to walk to the beat, listen to episode 25A. There’s a bell at the halfway mark so you can turn around.
So, grab your walking shoes, take a deep breath, and join me for a coached walk (though you don't have to walk to listen).
Thanks for listening. Stop by https://walkingandtalking.show to grab your free guide to fitting walking into your busy day.
Feeling overwhelmed, paralyzed, and can't get anything done? We all go through periods where life feels like a struggle and even the simplest tasks seem so hard. But there are ways to cope and make things easier.
This walking podcast episode is full of practical tips to help you survive and thrive when you're unmotivated, including:
Additional Resources:
NO MUSIC VERSION:
This episode has NO background walking music. If you want to walk to the beat, listen to episode 25A. There’s a bell at the halfway mark so you can turn around.
So, grab your walking shoes, take a deep breath, and join me for a coached walk (though you don't have to walk to listen).
Thanks for listening. Stop by https://walkingandtalking.show to grab your free guide to fitting walking into your busy day.
Guess who's back? Back again. Laryngitis is back. No, I don't have laryngitis anymore, but I did have it for three months and that really sucked.
Can you imagine me being quiet for three months? Yeah, me either.
So I did have laryngitis for three months and I don't really know what that was all about. I went to Norway with some extended family members and as soon as I got back I got sick. I didn't think anything of it. I kept testing negative for COVID. I got a sore throat, and I forgot how terrible a sore throat can feel. I couldn't swallow. It felt like I was swallowing razor blades. And I finally went to urgent care. I tested negative again for COVID, for flu, for strep. But she did give me antibiotics anyway because those rapid strep tests are not always accurate. My throat felt better after a couple of days on antibiotics.
So it was most likely strep. She said strep and a virus, but I was sick for two to three weeks. My voice went away and never came back. I mean, it's back now, but it took three months. So I couldn't talk. I couldn't get down into any of the lower registers. And I had to talk like Minnie Mouse. It was really weird. And then people kept trying to talk to me. And I had to make phone calls. And nobody could hear me. And then I would strain and try to get people to hear me. And then they couldn't, and so then I would get frustrated, but it's over mostly now. My voice is a little bit, you know, squirrely, as I say. And so it'll come and go, but that's okay.
I am working on something, which hopefully will be a 31 day walking challenge. It's going to be free, and on this podcast channel.
I just say hopefully because if I would have said that before I had laryngitis, and then I got laryngitis, and then I wouldn't be able to do it. So you know life happens while you're making other plans. I hope to do that for you. And the good thing is you can start it in January, you can start it whenever you want.
Once it's up, you don't even have to wait till the first of anything.
So I heard an episode on the Mel Robbins podcast, and it really resonated with me, because this is where I have been a lot this past year and I've talked about some of this stuff before. Mel’s guest was a psychotherapist, I think named KC. I'll see if I can find more information and I'll link that for you. But the way that she explained things to me was super interesting and it was relatable and made more sense.
So we know already from previous episodes, and this is research-backed, that motivation doesn't usually strike. Like we can't wait for motivation to strike. Motivation actually comes from doing the thing. But we’re all waiting for motivation to happen and get us started.
What they were talking about is when you're frozen and overwhelmed and you can't get even what you would think the basics done and you start to get angry. You start to hate yourself. You start to just feel like, why can't I do this? What's wrong with me? And you're full of negative emotions towards yourself.
But I learned something really interesting. Usually when we feel that way, we are processing something in our lives like a breakup or being in emotional pain, financial strain, illness, layoff.
And so we're using up a lot of brain power and emotional resources. And we struggle to get everything else done. And when she said that that's actually normal, and she said that what you're going through shows that you're mentally well when you can't get the other things done. That just made so much sense to me.
Of course, you're not going to have the energy to do other things because you're processing the overwhelming thing that's happening or the traumatic thing that's been going on in your life. And I've never thought about it that way before. That makes a lot of sense.
Now, the problem is when that paralysis becomes part of our everyday life and where it becomes more chronic and we don't get things done after we've kind of processed that trauma, and that makes total sense to me. If you listen to the previous episode earlier this year, I was taking care of my aunt who had stage four colon cancer.
I was so grateful I got to be there with her, but I didn't get my work done. I didn't get anything else done. I didn't take care of myself. I didn't exercise. And now this makes total sense. I never thought about that. I was like, well, what's wrong with me? I should be able to do this and do that and do that because, because it's not that hard.
The emotional part, the emotional stress or trauma - it was definitely trauma. The emotional trauma used up all that energy. So I couldn't get the other things done that I needed to do and yeah, I got upset with myself because I feel like, you know, being an overachiever, I feel like I should be able to do that.
Why can't I do that? I just didn't have the mental space to deal with it at the time. Now go a little bit harder, deep breath in, roll those shoulders out, shake out those hands, squeeze your glutes.
Once you process the trauma and it becomes more of a part of your everyday life, then that becomes more of a problem. You want to get the stuff done. You're ready to get the stuff done. But you're so depleted that you can't even get to the beginning of the task.
They were talking about shame and I guess it is shame when you think about it yeah, I felt kind of ashamed that I couldn't do it, like, of course I should be able to do it.
But to go into the self compassion mode, and KC was saying that self compassion is motivating. Self compassion breeds motivation, because you're doing something important. You're listening to your body, you're acknowledging that you're processing pain, you're being gentle with yourself, and it's okay.
But what I also learned is that shame causes paralysis.
It's also not some moral failure when we're going through a trying time and we're always pushing harder. What she said was something like, trying harder on the same broken wheels isn't going to get us anywhere. But self-compassion will get us somewhere. And with self-compassion, that means that we can start really small and do a small thing like you can do one or two pieces of laundry.
Do the little things, the basics that you can to get you going again, to give yourself that self-compassion that will then motivate you to start to make change.
When you're in that state, chronically though, how do you take these basic tasks and make them doable right now? What can you do to survive? What are hacks that you can do to get creative so that you can start to move forward in a better direction while still supporting yourself emotionally? So some ideas that she had was, can you stop folding your clothes? Yeah, actually you can, you can leave them in a basket.
Use paper plates and paper napkins. Outsource as much as you can. Get some support and get some help. Find a little small area in your house that you can make more comfortable and relaxing. A place where you can sit and feel at peace. Because if everything is overwhelming everywhere, which is where I've been, because after I took care of my aunt, we moved, and I don't know where everything is still, because I've kind of checked out, and now I know why.
This makes perfect sense. And if you have a little spot for yourself, a corner of your bedroom or how about your bathroom? If you can make your bathroom feel cozy, and you can just go and just take a moment for yourself in a peaceful place. You'll have a place that's not super cluttery, where you can clear your mind.
And that is self-care. Give yourself some love in a small space even if it's a corner of your bedroom, somewhere where you can feel at peace.
When we're in those moments, we just feel like we can't do the basics. For some reason, I know this sounds weird, but for some reason I just don't like to shower anymore. I mean, I like to be clean. I love to be clean. I just feel like I don't want to go and wash my hair because it's so much work and I just don't have the energy to wash my hair.
I eventually make myself do it because there was nobody wants to be around me. But create a little kit for yourself that has maybe baby wipes, dry shampoo, mouthwash. Next to your bedside table you could put some tissues, have a water bottle, hand cream, warm socks, your book. Have things accessible that you can reach and everything you need in one spot.
Don’t try to make everything look pretty. Right now, things don't have to be pretty. Put things together that are functional, where they make sense or are easy to grab. Like put your vitamins with your breakfast items. Put your keys with your purse. Put your gym clothes by the door.
When the kids were little I had toothbrushes upstairs for them and toothbrushes downstairs. Because after breakfast, I didn't want to send them back upstairs to brush their teeth. So they could brush their teeth downstairs in the bathroom or we could just head out to the garage and go.
You can create a little charging station with all the different cords plugged in and just plug everything there, even if it doesn't need to be charged. So that way it is charged when you need it. Clear your mind of the cluttering thoughts like, did I charge that? Where is that? Just doesn't matter if everything's out. It doesn't matter if you have cords everywhere. That's the self-compassion to yourself at this moment. Ask, how can I make my life easier?
Keep a small notepad in your purse. I've been doing that. I tried to do it on my phone, but it's really so much easier to do paper and pen. And then when you're waiting, because we wait so much, waiting for pickup at school, in the car, if you're at the doctor's office, if you're waiting in line somewhere.
You could actually do a brain dump and just write notes on that little notepad or in a little notebook so you don't forget. And then you don't go, “Oh, I can't believe I forgot that. Just start dumping dumping notes in there. And if your purse is big enough, they even have dated notepads. Or you could just write a date.
Get the brain dump or get the to do list and that way you can review it later when you feel like you have the space for that. If you're anything like me, something pops in your mind and then five minutes later it's gone. So if you write it down, you'll have a record of it.
You won't go, oh my god, I can't believe I forgot that. And you won't have to beat yourself up over not having it. Find some dedicated no phone time. I'm working on that because I always have my phone with me, and I'm always checking social media, and there's really nothing there that I need to see every minute of the day.
Try to have some time for you where you're not always plugged in.
Think of other things that you can do to make your life easier. I'm always wanting to clean my house. Okay let me let me rephrase that. I'm not always wanting to clean my house. I want my house to be clean, but I am the cleaning lady. So I spent too much time forcing myself to clean and nobody comes to my house but it's important to me.
But do I really need to waste so much time and brain power. I really don't need to fret about it. I'll do the best I can to keep it as basic clean as I can, but I'm not going to worry so much about clutter. Because I said, who's going to come, and who's going to see it, and who's really going to judge me?
I spent too much time, when my kids were little, trying to pick up the toys and make sure the house looked spotless. For what? Why? I don't know. I used to go really hard.
In fact, I found a flyer that I created for a three-hour spin. I'm like, who does a three hour spin? Apparently I did. Apparently I liked it. Apparently I thought that was super fun. Apparently now walking is all I can do because that's where I am right now. But I'm like a three-hour spin now? I would die. I would seriously die.
At that point in my life, I was super driven. And this was after I lost the weight and after I got back in shape. I was on a mission, I think. I got in such good shape that I could teach a three-hour spin class.
I'm not interested in that anymore because that's not where I am. It's kind of like been there, done that. I'm 57, almost 58. I'm not 37. When I first lost weight and got back in shape, I was 37 years old. That was 20 years ago, believe it or not. It doesn't seem like 20 years. It seems like five years. That was a lifetime ago and I keep thinking that I should be the same person and have the same amount of energy. And kick ass as much at 57 as I could at 37.
I'm trying to get that in my head that it is okay. And I'm trying to practice this self-compassion. That's why this episode resonated with me. Because I do get mad at myself. And so I'm back to podcasting. Let's see how long it lasts. Did you hear that? See, I was negative to myself again. But I want to. I'm not going to worry about my voice squeaking or breaking.
And so I'm just going to practice what I preach, self-compassion, and starting small, like you don't have to wash all the sheets at the same time. Maybe just do one bed at a time instead of trying to make all the beds. Because then you get mad. It's time for bed and your sheets are in the dryer. You haven't made any of the beds and you’re tired, and then you have to go do all the beds. You’re cranky and upset. So, maybe you just do one bed one day and one bed another day and that's good enough.
Think outside the box. Think about creative solutions. And yeah, the paper plates they talked about. Sure, you don't want to do that in the long run, but for that little moment in time, it's a survival method for you. If you don’t want to do all those dishes, then don't., Just use paper plates for now.
If you're going to cook, try to cook one pot meals so you don't have a thousand pans, because then you're not going to have the energy to cook. I don't want to cook. And I'm trying to bring myself out of that because I didn't realize how much this whole year affected me.
I should have realized that. But, superwoman and all, like, why am I so tired? But I was so tired because I'm hypothyroid. I didn't realize that my thyroid numbers also sank, because I didn't take care of myself, probably wasn't taking my medication consistently.
And so my thyroid levels are really low. That also of course affects motivation. And if you haven't done labs, you could do labs too, to see if maybe what you're feeling is not just a result of the trauma, but maybe it is also something physical.
We're going to do the best that we can and the best that we can is good enough.
That's what we should write. We should write that down and put on sticky note and post it somewhere.
The show website is walkingandtalking. show. So the show notes will be updated. I can't exactly tell you when, but they will also be updated on all the podcast platforms, wherever you're listening to this now. So you can see the show notes there, and I'll try to find the link to that Mel Robbins episode. It was really good and eye-opening to me. The fact that I needed to realize that I was using the energy that I had to process the trauma I was going through, and the trauma, the sadness, of watching my aunt die. I didn't realize that is why I couldn't do the other things in my life.
Once you realize that it’s totally okay, it really takes a load off your shoulders.