ENCORE: Why You Feel Stuck (And How to Fix It) | 30-Minute Walk

A Quick Note: In this encore episode I’m bringing back a classic that gives you one mental shift that works better than willpower (and is a lot less painful).
(Originally released as Episode 8 in March 2021)

If I told you there was one single tweak that could change your weight, your work, and even your relationships...

Would you think I was full of BS?
Or would you want to know more?

I'm not saying it's easy—but it is something you can start doing today.
What is it?

Pull your sneakers on, come outside with me and I'll let you in on the secret. 

Note: This is an active walking episode, but you don't have to be perfect. You don't even have to walk the full 30 minutes. Do half and half!  And there's a bell at the halfway point. 

Transcript

"Oh, I cannot believe I have to get up in the morning and go to work. I can't stand that place." " I have to go to the gym and take a class, but I don't want to. I just would rather stay home." "The school year is starting again. Oh my God, I just cannot fathom the thought of going to school."

So, today is a much-touted episode that I talked about. It is about reframing. What is reframing and how can you use it in your life both for weight loss, to get fitter and all other aspects of your life? Well, people try to make it really complicated, but it's really not so complicated. I'm going to show you today. Because I don't like complicated things and I can't remember complicated things, I just do the best I can to understand concepts and to explain them to you as well. 

So, we talked about this in episode 5 briefly with Kate Dornan. Reframing, which is actually reframing the words that you use to talk to yourself and to think about situations. Because I'm going to tell you, I have a lot of issues with dreading things that I end up enjoying because I just don't want to get up, I don't want to get dressed, I don't want to go out, I don't want to do this and that. And then when I do it, I feel really happy afterwards. This whole concept. I like to put these mountains in front of me that I just have to dread climbing when there is nothing to dread at all. So when I try to use reframing, it's amazing how just this little technique changes so much about your life, your health, your weight loss and every other aspect. 

One of the first things that you can do with reframing is listen to the words that you tell yourself. And if you're like me, you may talk to yourself, which I don't know is good or bad. And yes, I do answer myself because sometimes I'm the only one I can talk to. Sometimes I lecture myself. And sometimes I have arguments with myself. 

But I talk to myself a lot, out loud and in my head so that I can make sense of the world and things that are going on around me. And also, to talk out a problem that I'm working on or if I'm trying to figure something out on the computer or something like that. Then I just talk it out loud. Or proofing. You can also proof out loud. Proofing out loud is very helpful because it forces you to read every word. And that's how you see your mistakes. 

So, I'm talking about reframing. Think about having to get up and go to work in the morning. Now, maybe you enjoy your job. Maybe there are people at work that you like talking to. Maybe there's something you really like about your job. But the whole idea of getting up and going to work, sometimes you just dread it. But you dread it because you've been programmed to dread it. And because you've talked to yourself your whole life about how much you should dread going to work. So I'm not just going to say, "Hey, I get to go to work tomorrow." That's not always going to work. But when you think about what that work gives you, what that work allows you, that's what you want to reframe. You want to also write that down so you can refer back to it. Because there'll be a lot of little tips I can give you today, but you can't implement all at once. Just do them as always one at a time. And pick the ones that you think will have the most impact on your life. 

Reframing about work. Think about what you do with the money you make at work. Work makes your lifestyle possible. Work lets you buy nice things or it lets you have a roof over your head, gives you food on the table, lets you go to Starbucks. But work can also give you the vacations. And work also lets you form human connections. Think about those people at work that you really enjoy, you really like to talk to and that you look forward to seeing during the day. 

If you didn't work, you wouldn't have met those people. We spend so much of our time at jobs that sometimes that's the only place you're going to meet someone. You meet friends at work. You can go for walks together during lunch. You can go out to lunch together. So when you dread getting up and going to work, give yourself a moment to think about why do you dread it. What is it about it that's so terrible? 

Some of you do have terrible jobs or terrible workplaces, and that makes it a little bit more difficult. In that case, you just really want to focus on what the money you're making at the workplace gives you. But also focus on how you can change and get out of that workplace. Because there are many options out there. You don't have to stay in a really crappy job environment and you don't have to stay in a really crappy relationship. You just have to make a plan to leave where you are. So if you're stuck in a bad working situation, think about something there that might make you happy. Some people there, some of the work or customers that you actually enjoy, and focus on that. 

If your job is tolerable or if you even enjoy your job, but sometimes you just naturally build up a resistance to it, go through and make some notes as to what you could actually enjoy about it. And before you go to bed, get everything ready that you're going to need the next morning so that it's not so stressed. And then remind yourself what you're looking forward to. Because if you're looking forward to seeing a co-worker, if you're looking forward to seeing a customer, if you're looking forward to a certain part of your job, maybe look forward to meeting. Some people don't like them. Some people like them. Maybe you look forward to meetings. Maybe you look forward to helping people. Write that down and think about that the night before you go to bed. Try to reframe before the negativity even starts. What are you looking forward to tomorrow? 

A big problem that people have is not wanting to exercise. And sometimes they actually really like the exercise. They like the classes, the environment, the sweat, the endorphins. But in their minds before they go do it, they're always thinking about, oh, I have to go to this class. I have to exercise. I have to do this. And I've done that so many times. 

For some reason, oftentimes when I teach, I think, oh, I have to go to class. I have to teach a class. And 99.9% of the time when I got there, I was really happy. I got to see all the great people and got to listen to great music. And I would feel like a million bucks afterwards. But something in my mind-- I don't like having a commitment. I don't like having appointments. So to me, it's the appointment that was the problem. The fact that I have to be there at a certain time. 

And so, I started to reframe that. Instead of saying, I have to go to class and all that, I would say, I get to go to class. I get to see so-and-so tomorrow. I get to play this really rocking song because I would always plan my playlist the day before, even if I was using the previous ride for spin. 

I would just really get to listen to good songs, be with good people and sweat. And those moments on the bike always made me happy. So, the same thing with you. What about your workout are you looking forward to? And how do you feel after your workout? Maybe take note about that. That's how you feel. So, you don't 'have' to work out. You 'get' to work out and you 'want' to work out. Because you're lucky enough that you can work out. We're in a place, in a country where you can work out. You're physically able to work out. And a lot of people can't. Their dream would be to be able to work out, to be able to do what you're doing, to be able to do what I'm doing. So, always think about that. 

You're working out for your health. And you're working out for the way it makes you feel. You're working out for the people. If you run into people, you're meeting people, you're going to class. That's why you're working out. And you get to work out. So, write that on a little sticky note. 'I get to work out tomorrow.' 'I get to work out tonight.' I get to do this. I don't have to, I can sit around at home, eat unhealthy and not move my body. Maybe someday I'll end up in a wheelchair. And then I'll really have wanted to work out, but I can't. So, think about that now. You get to work out. You are lucky and you get the feeling of the endorphins. You get the camaraderie. You get the music and you get all those wonderful things that come with it. The minute you start thinking about 'I have to', catch yourself and say, 'I get to'. And list in your mind or on a piece of paper, all the things that you feel when you're working out. Whether you're at home or in a class. All the benefits. 

You feel strong. You feel accomplished. You feel happy. There are so many benefits to working out. So, try that next time. Before you go for a walk with me, say, "Hey, I get to walk and I get to listen to that chatter box Helen." 

People who took my early morning spin classes know that I was not always a little miss sunshine. You don't have to be a little miss sunshine or a little mister sunshine. Sometimes it's okay to just feel a little bit of a, 'Ughh, I don't want to'. But most of the time, you want to try to reframe it. Nobody's happy all the time. If you're happy all the time, 24X7, there's something not quite right there. 

What else can you reframe? You can reframe, 'Ughh, I have to eat vegetables.' First of all, you should make the vegetables taste good, which is why I am such a big fan of vegetables. I almost said vegetable salad. I do like vegetable salad. But also, vegetable soup. Because you can make some really good things and it's so good for you. It's just tons of vegetables. Everything that you can imagine. But even salads are great, especially Greek salad. I love Greek salad. You just want to find some vegetables that you really like. And then when you're eating, think about how your body is reacting to all the nutrients. 

You know how much I love sugar and I try to not go crazy with it. I kind of back off and just be moderate. But sometimes if I eat too much sugar, like if somebody has any candy leftover or God forbid if I get into the jelly beans, because they raise my blood sugar like crazy, I can almost feel like my body is struggling to keep up with all the sugar I'm shoveling into my system. 

So, think the opposite. When you're eating something healthy, think about what it's doing inside your body. It's breaking down the nutrients. The fiber, the protein, the carbs, the fats. And you're actually fueling your body with good things. So instead of thinking, oh, I have to eat the salad, make a salad that you enjoy. Same thing with the soup. Make a soup, make a stew. There are so many things you can do. Then you'll feel good about eating the things that you should be eating to keep you healthy. And you won't think, oh, I have to eat these vegetables. You can have a slice of pizza. I love a slice of pizza with vegetables and then maybe a nice salad on the side. Just watch the dressing. You're like, "When is the salad ever nice?" I say 'nice' a lot. I got that from class. Nice and perfect. I'm going to reframe that. Nice is such a great word. I'm glad I use such a positive word.

You can see that reframing and the way you talk to yourself is really important. Not just for weight loss and fitness, but for everything in your life. You have to pay attention to those little words that you use, because you don't realize how many negative moments that you have inside because you just don't want to do something. And it's natural for us to have resistance because our bodies want to relax. They want to chill. They don't want to get fitter; they don't want to work out. They don't want to do anything that requires effort. So, we have to use our minds to overpower our bodies. You can say the words 'can', 'I get to', 'I'm lucky enough to'. 

Really try to look at all the positives. There are positives in almost any situation. When the kids and I were traveling, there were a lot of things that went wrong. Usually what I would try to do, I really wanted to scream and bang my head into a wall or jumping in front of a train. But then I would usually just laugh and make it into a joke. 

When we were in Bali, the grab there is Uber and Lyft. But they weren't really allowed. The taxi drivers had this own little unofficial group or gang, and they wouldn't want the grab drivers to pick people up. And I don't know if I shared this story or not. I might have. We were in a grab one evening and suddenly there was a knock on the window with a flashlight and it was one of the taxi drivers who was talking to the grab driver and they made us get out. And he wanted us to get in one of the taxis. We refused and we walked like 20 minutes to get out of that territory so we could grab a grab. No pun intended. 

Inside, I was seething. I was mad and I was tired. But I just kind of laughed it off with the kids and I made a joke. Because I wanted to let them know that not every situation is negative or bad. It's all about how we perceive things. And sometimes I really want to get angry, get upset or I want to frame something negatively, but it really doesn't help anything. It doesn't help me. It doesn't help the situation. All it does is make things worse. 

So, there are so many situations like that in life where you can change the way you think about things and the way that you talk to yourself. There are so many ways that you can change the wording and the way that you talk to yourself. And it makes the world's biggest difference. So, pay attention and maybe even take a notebook, write it in your phone or do a little voice memo. Pay attention to the negative things you're thinking and telling yourself. You'll be really shocked at how many negative thoughts you have in a day.

My dad would always get up early and he would never be cranky in the morning. I was always cranky and he would come in. He used to be like, "Get up. It's a beautiful, gorgeous day." And I'd try to throw things at him. I would always mess. It was usually like a pillow or something like that. And he said, "I'll sleep when I'm dead." Or he would say, " It's a beautiful, gorgeous day. Any day that I can get out of bed is a good day." And that's a really good attitude.

Any day you can get out of bed is a good day. So if you don't want to work out, you don't want to go to school, don't want to go to work, you don't want to do that project, I understand. But try to reframe it. Sometimes I have this project that's not very big and not very hard, but for some reason I have this inner resistance to it and I just don't want to do it. So, I dread it. I spend like three days dreading this project and putting it off. Then when I do it, it takes me 30 minutes and it's done. It was way easier than I thought. So, I wasted all that negative energy and all that time dreading something that really wasn't to be dreaded.

And I'm sure you've done that, too. Think about how many times you've actually dreaded something and put something off. And it really wasn't that big of a deal. So I know when they say, "Eat that frog", it means you're supposed to do that project first. I don’t and I need to. Because if you do the dreaded project first, you don't waste that extra energy dreading the thing that's not actually going to be dreadful.

There are things in every day that you can reframe into something positive. Write down positive words, write down situations and then pay attention to yourself. Now I'm not advocating this, but one time a while back, I had this negative, intrusive thought that kept coming in. And so, I put a rubber band around my wrist. Every time I had that thought, I would snap the rubber band slightly so that I can get a little sting on my wrist. It would remind me not to think that. And so, I stopped but I never realized how many times I would think that negative thought. You don't realize it until that rubber band keeps snapping against your wrist. So, I was trying to do an unscientific aversion therapy.

I guess it somewhat worked. But it's so easy to fall back into that pattern especially if you're around people who also are the same. People in your family or your friends, and they're all complaining and complaining. I don't know if you've noticed this, but when people complain, it's contagious. So if someone's complaining about their day, then you automatically start complaining about your day or what you have to do tomorrow. That's normal, but it's not a good place to be. So if you can make a path with people in your life that you try to reframe together, that's going to make a big difference. It's going to make a big difference in everything that you do. It's pretty simple.

I love sticky notes. So even try some sticky notes and write on them. You can put them on the wall in your bedroom, in your closet. You can put them in your car or your bathroom mirror. Have little sticky notes with the negative word and the positive word or just the positive word. Say 'I get to work out.' 'I get to go to work and make money to keep a roof over my head.' 'I get to go to this meeting.' 'I get to go to this family gathering.' ‘There are all these things I get to do that other people don't get to do.’ It makes a big difference. 

I'm going to have another episode about this, but maybe even try to do something for someone else during your day and just think about how that made you feel. Because when you do things for someone else without expecting anything in return, it does amazing things for your mood and really makes you feel good and happy inside. 

Some of the things you'll read about reframing are really complicated and they don't make a lot of sense. So, just start small. Start with, 'I can', 'I get to', 'I want to'. How about instead of, 'Ughh, I have to cook dinner', use 'I want to cook dinner. I want to make something different today. I want to eat vegetables.' 

'I can't believe how much I really love cucumbers' instead of, 'I hate cucumbers'. I always say I hate things and I don't really hate them. I just did that recently. I was telling someone, "Oh, I hate podcasting." I don't hate podcasting at all. 'Hate' is a very strong word. What I don't like is, hearing my voice over and over and hearing me say the same things over and over, because I have to listen to it several times. And then I have to read the transcript, I have to cut out if I've made a mistake. So, that's the part I'm not super fond of because I have to listen to myself over and over and it's just too much Helen. 

Think about removing the word 'hate'. It's okay to hate something. There must be something that you hate. I hate really, really mean people. And that's okay. But I don't hate cucumbers. I don't hate podcasting. I don't hate exercising. Because hate is a really strong word. Maybe you don't care for it, maybe you don't like it, but maybe there's something about it that you actually do like. 

So, stop for a moment before you say something. And think about what's going to come out of your mouth. Not that I do, as you've already noticed. And see if it could be positive or if it can be negative.

Try to cut out as many of those negative thoughts as you can. Reframe them. Before you walk next time, say, "I get to walk." And if it's a beautiful day, “Let's listen to the birds.” Feel the sun on your skin. If you're lucky enough to live by the ocean, take a walk by the ocean. Change up your routine, change up the way you exercise, do something different to bring some of that joy back. 

Change the way you eat, maybe eat some of your favorite foods, but eat less of them. You want to bring joy to these moments in life. Because once these moments are gone, they're gone. Every minute that goes by is another minute we're never getting back. So if we spend every minute thinking about the negative, dwelling on the negative, complaining about things and complaining about people, that's a valuable time of our lives. We have one life. We don't know what happens after. What if this is it and we spent all of our time being negative about everything when we could have enjoyed the little things? We could have made people laugh during the day. We could've made ourselves laugh. We could have made this day something to remember, even if it feels like Groundhog Day, there's something good in every day. And there's a way to make something good in every day. 

Again, I'm not saying be a little miss sunshine, because it's not always possible. And if you have a couple of down days, that's okay. Maybe think about why they were down and what you could do next time. And sometimes there's nothing you can do. Sometimes you just have to ride through things or overwhelm, but you're tired. But when you come out on the other side, really focus again on reframing. 

Have a great rest of your day.